People expect a lot from you. They expect you to be perfect. They expect you to help them with their problems. But this is unfair, because sometimes you have your own problems you need to solve, and it causes stress and anxiety when they pressure you.
Sometimes you can get caught up in other people’s problems and they feel like yours. When people expect you to help them out of a situation, it is easy to feel guilty. It can also be a lot of pressure when people expect you to solve their problems for them or give them advice or money.
People that have been through the same thing may not realize how hard it is for others to be in their shoes. Sometimes asking for help is difficult because you do not want to burden someone else with your problems. Plus, if you are going through a tough time, the last thing you want is someone telling you what to do about it. You just need someone to listen and support you. Once the problem has been solved, it may seem as though everyone forgot how hard it was to get there. This can leave you feeling unappreciated and undervalued, which can cause stress and anxiety as well. This behavior may lead to psychological issues like depression, sadness, and negativity.
People who pressure us and expect too much from us can drain our energy, lower our self-esteem, and undermine our confidence. They can make us feel like we’re not good enough or that we don’t deserve to have the things we want for ourselves. Setting limits with these kinds of people is a way to protect yourself from their negativity and regain your own power. You’ve heard it before: “You should set limits with people.” It’s a necessity in life when someone is draining you of your energy. You need to set boundaries and tell them how you feel. But what if you’re the one who needs to learn how to set limits? What if you’re the one who’s needy and always asking for help, or calling frequently? Maybe it’s time you learned how to let go and stop pressuring others in ways that are out of their control.
Here are some tips on setting limits with people who pressure you or expect too much:
Don’t start a fight over an expectation that isn’t realistic (i.e. “Why didn’t you call me back?”)
Sometimes we get so angry about something like this because we have our own expectations of ourselves and we didn’t live up to them . If a friend is expecting you to call her every day, but your schedule doesn’t allow for it, try not to get upset with yourself or with your friend. Instead, talk about a new plan that works better for both parties.
Don’t try to change people (i.e. “You’re so inconsiderate! You don’t do enough for me!”)
When we think of setting limits, we usually think of financial, time-based, and physical limits. We don’t always remember that emotional limits can also be healthy to set. When someone pressures you or expects too much from you, it’s important to learn how to set emotional limits with them.
Some people who expect too much from others are emotionally abusive. They may say things like, “You owe me,” or “You’re doing this for me.” They may manipulate your feelings in an attempt to guilt you into doing what they want. You should never feel guilty about setting emotional limits with someone who is emotionally abusive or manipulative; their feelings should not take precedence over yours, and you shouldn’t feel bad about saying no or telling them that their behavior is unacceptable.
Other people may be passive-aggressive in their expectations. They might “accidentally” forget to call so you’ll feel obligated to contact them first, or they might ask for favors in a tepid way so that you have to ask them why they’re asking before you know whether it’s something you’ll actually do. Setting emotional limits with these types of people is a bit trickier, because on the surface they seem less manipulative than those who use direct tactics like guilt-tripping. Don’t become a victim, instead set limits and be clear when you say no despite the pressure they seem to add.
By, Crystal Amon